Oh so frustrating when you can feel the minutes ticking by and just want that productive writing session.... I remember seeing a man on a train asking the woman next to him what's your name, where are you from etc. And she turned to him and said, "I don't want to talk to you." There was nothing he could do! It was hilarious and inspiring. Sounds like he's slowly getting the message, hopefully it will actually land at some point.
Oh my gosh, Sara, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! I know exactly the type of human that is and you're right - he's got zilch idea that he's been inappropriate or encroached on your boundaries. He thinks he's being friendly and having a good old joke. I think you're managing it with such grace and really I can't think of any other way you COULD deal with it without being 'rude' - and we cannot possibly do that, can we? (rueful, commiserative shake of head). I would - sadly - rather put up with that crap than have to confront. Can you imagine informing him that he's been inappropriate and his blustering indignant response? Sending you strength and sending him get-back vibes. x
Thanks so much for this Sasha, it was definitely uncomfortable putting this one up, but I want to challenge these things because I'm so tired of it. And I know there will be so many women putting up with a lot of crap because they're expected to be polite. This feels so minor as to almost feel petty, but I know it speaks to other things, other mindsets around women, that are the basis of a much bigger problem.
Unfortunately, this has happened to me also. Always by men. It's incredibly annoying and I hate that it puts me in the position of being the impolite one. I'm afraid that being explicitly clear with them is the only way. I've stopped going to cafes as much I used to because of the irritation it would sometimes cause me. I wish you luck x
Argh why is this happening to so many of us. I feel so sad that this curtails us working where we would choose to - before writing this I’d cut down on cafe time too but it really works for me so I will just have to keep trying to block him out! Thanks for the solidarity x
Yes it can definitely be more challenging to write in public spaces but when I find the right quiet spot I love it! I’ve just got to keep my head down I think!
Sara, those men are incredibly arrogant to think that they have the right to impose on you. I think the only way to deal with these situations is to be clear with boundaries. “I’m working and I can’t concentrate if I’m interrupted. I know you will understand if I don’t acknowledge you or respond when I’m in the cafe because this is my working time and space.” Then don’t budge from that position. You have carved out your own wonderful space and have a right to own that.
WOW. I totally related to SO MUCH of this post. I hear you. I get it. I know. Been there. yup. Thanks for the honesty and for---sorry, someone was interrupting me--:)--sharing. xx
Ha, I’m sorry it’s happened to you too - although I thought the post would resonate it’s still confronting to see how many women have a hard relate to this. Sending solidarity!
People are awful! Well, some of them, anyway. I'm the same in those situations, I smile and wave, trying to be polite but send out 'you're annoying me' vibes, but some people just don't register. I think since Covid we're all a bit more aware of our own personal spaces, and how we don't like anyone encroaching on them. Others might think we're being rude, but it's all about boundaries and making space for what you need to do in a day. I hope these people don't bother you anymore because taking that time each day to write is so very important. That's one reason I can't write in public spaces, I feel like people are reading my stuff behind me. But if that's where your creative flow appears, then that's what you have to do.
A terribly nice woman I used to work with was battling with similar problems, and she said she'd been reading a book by some business coach person to get help. The bottom line message was that we all have to find our 'inner bitch' (yikes) to get what we want. Unfortunately I don't think I've got one of those!
Oh wow, isn’t it frustrating that it’s up to us to channel our ‘inner bitch’ rather than these people (mostly men) channeling their inner manners! Boundaries are so important for getting things done, particularly for those with multiple roles in life. I definitely like to sit with my back to a wall now. Thanks for taking the time to comment Maggie.
Terrible that you've had to put up with that behaviour - but you're right, it's part of a larger pattern. I remember - back in the 80s - at an Alternative Comedy show, a stand-up piece starting with "You'd look pretty if you smiled, love" and progressing to 'Why the fuck don't you talk to me, eh?' and so on, up to physical violence. Which is why we're not rude. Sigh.
Urgh. That’s awful. It’s crazy being expected to laugh and it’s tiring calling it out. I am so resentful of my limited creative time being depleted in this way. Thanks for commenting x
Oh so frustrating when you can feel the minutes ticking by and just want that productive writing session.... I remember seeing a man on a train asking the woman next to him what's your name, where are you from etc. And she turned to him and said, "I don't want to talk to you." There was nothing he could do! It was hilarious and inspiring. Sounds like he's slowly getting the message, hopefully it will actually land at some point.
Oh my, to be that bold when getting unwanted attention is inspirational! I love this Zoe, thanks for commenting.
Oh my gosh, Sara, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that! I know exactly the type of human that is and you're right - he's got zilch idea that he's been inappropriate or encroached on your boundaries. He thinks he's being friendly and having a good old joke. I think you're managing it with such grace and really I can't think of any other way you COULD deal with it without being 'rude' - and we cannot possibly do that, can we? (rueful, commiserative shake of head). I would - sadly - rather put up with that crap than have to confront. Can you imagine informing him that he's been inappropriate and his blustering indignant response? Sending you strength and sending him get-back vibes. x
Thanks so much for this Sasha, it was definitely uncomfortable putting this one up, but I want to challenge these things because I'm so tired of it. And I know there will be so many women putting up with a lot of crap because they're expected to be polite. This feels so minor as to almost feel petty, but I know it speaks to other things, other mindsets around women, that are the basis of a much bigger problem.
Unfortunately, this has happened to me also. Always by men. It's incredibly annoying and I hate that it puts me in the position of being the impolite one. I'm afraid that being explicitly clear with them is the only way. I've stopped going to cafes as much I used to because of the irritation it would sometimes cause me. I wish you luck x
Argh why is this happening to so many of us. I feel so sad that this curtails us working where we would choose to - before writing this I’d cut down on cafe time too but it really works for me so I will just have to keep trying to block him out! Thanks for the solidarity x
There's nothing polite about his behaviour. His intrusion is downright rude. This reminds me why I have never been able to write in coffee shops.
Yes it can definitely be more challenging to write in public spaces but when I find the right quiet spot I love it! I’ve just got to keep my head down I think!
Sara, those men are incredibly arrogant to think that they have the right to impose on you. I think the only way to deal with these situations is to be clear with boundaries. “I’m working and I can’t concentrate if I’m interrupted. I know you will understand if I don’t acknowledge you or respond when I’m in the cafe because this is my working time and space.” Then don’t budge from that position. You have carved out your own wonderful space and have a right to own that.
Thanks Julia, it’s very annoying and I really appreciate the support!
WOW. I totally related to SO MUCH of this post. I hear you. I get it. I know. Been there. yup. Thanks for the honesty and for---sorry, someone was interrupting me--:)--sharing. xx
Ha, I’m sorry it’s happened to you too - although I thought the post would resonate it’s still confronting to see how many women have a hard relate to this. Sending solidarity!
People are awful! Well, some of them, anyway. I'm the same in those situations, I smile and wave, trying to be polite but send out 'you're annoying me' vibes, but some people just don't register. I think since Covid we're all a bit more aware of our own personal spaces, and how we don't like anyone encroaching on them. Others might think we're being rude, but it's all about boundaries and making space for what you need to do in a day. I hope these people don't bother you anymore because taking that time each day to write is so very important. That's one reason I can't write in public spaces, I feel like people are reading my stuff behind me. But if that's where your creative flow appears, then that's what you have to do.
A terribly nice woman I used to work with was battling with similar problems, and she said she'd been reading a book by some business coach person to get help. The bottom line message was that we all have to find our 'inner bitch' (yikes) to get what we want. Unfortunately I don't think I've got one of those!
Good luck, Sara xx
Oh wow, isn’t it frustrating that it’s up to us to channel our ‘inner bitch’ rather than these people (mostly men) channeling their inner manners! Boundaries are so important for getting things done, particularly for those with multiple roles in life. I definitely like to sit with my back to a wall now. Thanks for taking the time to comment Maggie.
Terrible that you've had to put up with that behaviour - but you're right, it's part of a larger pattern. I remember - back in the 80s - at an Alternative Comedy show, a stand-up piece starting with "You'd look pretty if you smiled, love" and progressing to 'Why the fuck don't you talk to me, eh?' and so on, up to physical violence. Which is why we're not rude. Sigh.
Urgh. That’s awful. It’s crazy being expected to laugh and it’s tiring calling it out. I am so resentful of my limited creative time being depleted in this way. Thanks for commenting x
And that other dude reading over your shoulder! Grrrrrr
He was next level!